But of all things, I find academia has changed the least in the past century or two. 

Required classes and essential prerequisites are still boringly the same. So this is for you, Dear Reader . . . download and listen, then - well, you'll have to decide what then for yourself. Me, I'm outta here . . . .

". . . Sneaking out to practice temporal displacement . . . er, Time Travel would be to you, like if I maybe shacked up the International Police computer . . ."

The computer whistled at my mistake.

(wha? hacked shacked, whatza dif?)

"Ok, ok, teach control insists that I say . . . if I hacked into the interplanetary defense, 'er interpersonal, uh intermonetary control, uhm - a great big, secure control system during your time. Got milk?"

Another whistle

( . . . .no, Get it? . . . you sure that's right? Are your solar panels plugged again?)

". . . playing successfully in the temporal theater is kind of like an accomplishment that can be done, but not often . . ."

More of a screech, this time.

(it is not bragging when backed up by fact! Bragging by definition implies a lack fact . . . yeah? Hey teach control, just blow off!)

"Anyway, so maybe I learned a few things during my foray into the sideways, and maybe to salve a guilty conscience I've decided to share some of my wisdom. So, let's raise a mug to that, hey? . . . er, cool, huh?"

"I personally think Grubs my age DO know a thing about life and sharing of information, especially when that information is so life ALTERING, huh? So take these pearls and feed them to your swine, hey? . . . er, well , you know what I mean."

"I admit I stepped over just a bit, the rules clearly state: no skipping less than one epoch to base, but Gangling nipples! If you've seen one brachiosaurus, you've seen the entire period. I wanted to see something a little closer down the food chain to now. I mean really, doesn't everyone?"

"Ok, yeah, maybe I am bragging a bit, but when was the last time you attempted to disarm local security, let alone circumvent the Watcher program, infiltrate the Nikon Bell Net and still maintain internal integrity with the local node? And that just gets you to the exterior main! You want to know the shave-and-a-hair-cut routine, you come see me at the credit lock and we'll negotiate."

"I wanted to correlate with humans who don't hunt, with society beyond the agricultural stage . . . to SEE the verboten arena!"

"Maybe I was just curious about some of the stuff they cram into our brains these days. You know, once you discover that part of the Mesh is a lie, it is difficult not to question the whole. So I stepped over . . . "

". . . and there you were! Sitting at that archaic piece of junk, wiggling your fingers frantically. Hunched up, in obvious physical discomfort. I nearly laughed out loud when the teach control explained this painful posture was assumed as a method of communication, but caught myself before I blew up my cover, so to speak."

"You know, not everyone from whence I come would be so fluent with your idiots, comprehenday?"

That screeching noise becomes quite irritating.

(. . . wha? Oops, teach says 'idioms', but I don't believe it - idiots sounds right to me.)

"Anyway, I was so taken by the actuality of all these antiques, I sort of forgot to meld into the physical and stayed apart. So you saw me, or thought you saw me (I remembered to fade about the time you ratcheted that voice of yours up to an eye-piercing tone. How a person can undergo such an adrenaline jolt and then just attribute it to an hallucination caused by bad beef is beyond my ken!) I know your screaming nearly scared me into solidification - thank The Good Grub for that outflow valve!"

"At first I was stymied by the mechanism on which you were working, not being an antique aficionado you know. I had Teach control search on primitive mechanics and would have missed it there between the cotton gin and the turbo jet if it hadn't been for the fact someone had taken the time to convert the old pen and stink . . ."

(ink)

". . . drawings into a holographic ideal. Blessed Clocks if it didn't look just like the one you were using!"

(Teach argued the point, but unsuccessfully . . . and I was right, wasn't I? It was a Typerotor! Yesss! Wetware wins another round!)

"So I was curious about your activities."

(Teach says I was being noisy . . .nosy? That makes about as much sense as saying I'm being mouthy or eary! Watta Ver! Dazzled damn teach control is beginning to annoy me - entirely too swaggering for its own good, if you ask me.)

"And, since your bodily functions take you into physical space I cannot occupy . . ."

(...you know - Cray's constant ?. . . I started in the learning bay-I cross to a corresponding reversed point into the learning bay? Teach says if I don't explain the basics, you'll never grip the complex. Damnable thing is unrelenting!)

". . . but your absence gave me opportunity, you see, which is the important point."

"Though I could not manifest the physical while in temporal displacement (second law of secular temporality), I was able to scan and translate the content of your output while you were absent!"

(Teach says I should say I fed the information on the page into the computer . . . technological eating? I'm pretty certain your technology had not reached the stage of androidal esophagealogy, yet, but you can't tell this teach control model anything! . . . damned control is obviously due for an overhaul.)

"It was the translation that just clobbered me - so I turned your ass in, man - I just don't subscribe to that theory of nonintervention! Theories are not absolute, most especially not temporal absolutes - ha!"

(that's a joke, you see - oh, never mind.)

"Paradoxes are categorized as such just because they can't happen. So if we alter the stream, the change becomes part and package . . ."

(parcel, are you sure?)

". . . of the originating event!" "Comprehenday Eymigo?"

(....that's because it's ancient Spanglish, you pocket watch!)

"And that bit of paper next to the typeroter was nearly as incriminating as the document itself."

(According to the teach, you call it a "ticker" or "tickex" or something)

". . .SEATAC international to PDX."

(...names of ancient ports, home of the SeaHawk Trailblazers today.)

"AND, even more incriminating (in my book), the date, once converted, was November 24, 1971!"

"But - I still wouldn't have wisened you . . ."

(been wisened to you . . . known it was you)

". . . if the teach control had just scrolled your data points down the screen. But the damn thing choked on a transfer bug and it stuck just as your name scrolled on the screen, so it was destiny for me to not only see the name, but recognize you for who you are! Not everyone would have linked Cooper with that nasty assassin Weber, you know!"

"But then, not everyone is a devotee of the Ancient Society Church of the Good Friends. And not every church member is a Deacon of the Archival Sanctuary. Our chapel has a hologrized copy of that very same photo in our basement!"

And can you guess which church officer has his office in the basement? Hmmmm?"

"Oh, Mr. Weber, you do not know how lucky you are!"

"And that eye trick just confirmed what I knew, Grubby. Those . . . shadows"

('er, shades, I guess)

". . . is what tightened the knot, so to speak. I mean, even the archives still show that picture with your name. Even when they are relating to the assassination, and not the privateerization!"

(high-what? I don't think so. It was a mode of transportation, and the dictionary says right here ". . .to privateer". I don't care, I'm leaving it that way).

"The $200,000 must have bankrolled the assassination - the authorities knew, but after your, ahem, untimely death at the hands of that mob at the Inauguration Dinner, they could only prove it by inductive reasoning based on second hand information."

"And look at me now! First hand information! Proof positive!"

"My question to you - did you know? Did you realize the havoc that would be caused by the assassination of the most beloved leader of all time? Could you fathom, even then, the depths to which our nation would falter and nearly fall into another Dark Age? Was that your true intent? To bring the United States to its knees, mourning two presidents in ten years?!"

"The real joke is I can't tell, either! So I did my civic duty . . . "

(and teach control had devil well better have recorded this part!)

". . . and I turned you in. And, just in case I've not quite figured this right, I'm alerting you as well."

"You Duane B. Cooper (a.k.a. the most notorious presidential assassin of all time!), you will have at least a chance to explain yourself to the Historie Securite!"

"And did I mention you should be grateful it was me who discovered you? Some of those Truth Guardians would just switch your parachute, whereas the Federation guys will bring you out 'in toto' and keep you under guard at the Historical Zoological Display Emporium for the rest of your natural days. . . and a bit longer, if public interest holds."

"Good for you, good for me, and good for history, if I don't miss my guess."

"So. Now your paper note asking for ransack . . ."

(er, ransom)

". . . is attached to this voice-stream, and ready for download. Course they will disappear by morning, but by then you will have had more than enough time to download into your typeroter, listen and then decide if you will go ahead and go through with the highway jack tomorrow . . ."

(hijack - ho- that can't be right! . . . ok, ok, but I'm telling you this doesn't sound right.)

". . .and eventual assassination of our most beloved Richard M. Nixon just a short six months later."

"I am leaving it up to you to decide whether knowing what you now know, will you still hijack that Boeing 727? Will you use that $200,000 to bankroll your assassination plan? Can't you see, even now, what a mistake you are making? Well, I've gone beyond what is required of me . . . consider yourself warned!"

"Temporal security should catch up to you sometime during tomorrow's flight. Hasta la Bon Voyager!"

(oh nag, nag, nag . . . he will listen to the words, that's how he will know. That's it! . . . I'm turning you off!)

***

Dear Reader...

Did you figure out what might have happened had the legendary D. B. Cooper successfully completed his hijack of the Boeing 727 in 1971?

 Champagne and Chocolate

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