Environmentally Expelled

Lazy, ugly Swabby Smear,
A man of girth (from swilling beer),
He seldom washed or combed or shaved,
He drank and danced and misbehaved.

Chewed stogies dripping ashes red,
Burnt holes in pants and shirts and bed.
In sails and ropes and captain's cat
(Who yowled as if he'd been smashed flat!)

The Cap decided then and there,
He'd had enough of Swabby's fare.
A plank he ordered hoisted high.
For Swabby's walk and final bye.

The Swabby's last request - bizarre!
A final smoke from his cigar.
One last meal of onion stew,
And donned his oldest shirt and shoes.

His drink stained pants, and smoky hat,
His holy socks chewed by a rat.
And smelly, stinky Swabby Smear
Slyly smiled and walked into air.

A thunderous, rippling, roaring blare!

And Swabby Smear without a care,
He landed at the Captain's feet,
And smiled a toothless grin so sweet.

He'd known the answer long before,
They'd tossed him toward the ocean floor.
Ol' Neptune keeps a tidy shack,
Swab stunk so bad, they threw him back!