Keep your
Nordy's, your Bloomies and your Lord and Taylors. When it comes to
buying clothes for the "large and lovely" woman's body, I'll
take the clothes from K-Mart any day.
Especially this day.
After yanking up my purple spandex
leotard for this afternoon's aerobic class, I noticed my rather full bust line
sagging lower than usual while the straps of my tank-style
leotard ground uncomfortably into my shoulders. Instead of conforming to
a spandex-controlled silhouette, parts and pieces of me were overflowing
with a heretofore-unseen gusto. It had finally happened -- my favorite
purple leotard had lost its spank, the spandex no longer controlling the
overflowing bounty of my body. The color had faded overnight from a
stunning royal purple to a weak and watery blue and two of the seams
were only a thread away from a grand opening. When I removed the leotard
for the last time after that Tuesday class, I whispered a little goodbye
and tossed it into the trash, ensuring a date with the local K-mart to
purchase another leotard in order to attend my Thursday session.
K-mart has been especially
reliable in stocking exercise clothing for the larger woman. I suspect a
member of management may actually be a larger woman. Very few stores for
working class women carry working class women sizes - you know the
euphemisms - Big Boned and Beautiful, Fully Women, Largely Lady's Wear.
Kmart is a pleasant exception to the rule.
I arrived Wednesday evening
harried and rushed at the women's department and was not disappointed.
Because of the wide variety of sizes at Kmart, their choices are usually
well picked through. I sometimes find myself attempting to match this
bottom with that leotard due to my inability to time my shopping with
the arrival of the exercise attire shipments. This time, though, it
appeared as if the Shopping Gods were with me. The tables were covered
with brightly colored stacks of leotards, tights, leggings and headbands
- and most of the selections were color coordinated so that I could mix
and match. I was in shopper heaven.
I grabbed several leotards and
leggings of purple, hot pink, and lavender to coordinate with fields of
flowers, psychedelic swirls and oceans of colored waves. And every style
came in my size. Every single style. I had never before discovered such
a selection. Which should have been warning, now that I think of it.
If money were no object, I would
have purchased every outfit on the table. But did I mention this store
caters to the working class? That would be me. And money is an object -
always. It was difficult, but I managed to limit my purchase to just a
pair of leggings and a leotard. I fell in love with a gorgeous floral
leotard top and matching leggings that were a perfect size...well, let's
just say they were perfectly my size.
Having spent so much time admiring
the choices, I was now more rushed than ever, so I dashed to the
checkout without trying them on. After all, it's not like aerobic
clothes need to be fitted in a particular way - they hold you up, they
hold you in. The only criteria I had other than size, was color, and
man, this one was gorgeous!
With two kids, (three, counting my
husband) and a dog, the rest of my evening was as rushed and harried as
my shopping expedition. So just I tossed the leo and leggings into my
workout bag when I got home - no time even for a quick trip through the
wash. Besides, I was just going to get them all sweaty the next day,
anyway. So I gave the purchase no additional thought. Until, that is,
the next day at my aerobics class.
Did I mention I neglected to
sample the fit before purchase?
My work out is on my lunch hour,
and I'm always in a hurry. I dash madly to the "Y", run to the
locker room, change with the speed of a cheetah and fly into class
before the warm-up can begin. This day however, I took a little extra
minute in the dressing room because I was having a bit of trouble. The
new leggings were fine and I was actually quite pleased with the fit and
the fine little pattern of flowers that ran all the way through the
material. It was with the leotard that I was experiencing the most
difficulty.
For those of you who don't know, a
leotard fits very much like a lady's swimsuit- minus cups for the
breasts. The elastic nature of the spandex means that the front and back
can be constructed nearly the same, though a bit extra material is
allowed for the rear and the bust. In fact, in order to tell the front
from the back, it is sometimes necessary to look down into the crotch of
the leotard itself- wider part goes to the back. At least it always had
before.
But I was really having trouble
with this whole front and back thing. It seemed obvious at first, but
when I stepped into the legs and pulled the darned thing up, well, let's
just say it was painfully obvious I had the leo on backward.
By now I was sweating, class would
be starting any minute and I still had to put on my shoes! This was
taking forever. I slipped the leo off and turned it around, but when I
wiggled it over my hips...once again, I had somehow managed to the get
the back toward the front and vice versa.
This was ridiculous, and there was
no tag in the neck to give me a clue, either. Some brain at the factory
had decided to put the tag in the side seam - like that would help. This
time I very carefully slid the damn thing down, turned it 180 degrees,
stepped back in and pulled it over my hips.
By now, the locker room was empty,
and I could hear the warm up music had begun. I was beginning to sweat
in the tiny dressing stall. There was something wrong with this new
leotard, and I got an uneasy feeling about this entire purchase. I
slipped the straps over my shoulders, stepped out of the dressing stall
walked over to the full-length mirror and turned around.
I could hear the music change as
the warm up grew more intense, and I soon joined my fellow dancers,
though I remained uncharacteristically in the back row and left before
the hour was up.
That evening, I donned my new
outfit and modeled it for my husband. As I walked down the hall using my
best runway walk, and completed a three point turn in front of his
recliner, I saw his eyes twinkle and he began to smile.
It seems my new
leotard....
