Freshless

Ever have one of those days?

 Sun is shining...in my eyes

....wait a minute, the sun doesn't shine in my eyes on a work day...

aahhh!  Must be a weekend....

Noooo, yesterday was Wednesday because I had a class last night....that makes this Thursday, so.....

AAAAARRRGGGggggghhhh!!!! 

I'm Late!!!!

...Mommy?

...Mommy?

...Mommy?!

Mommeeee!...it's not working!

I am TRYING to get some wet pantyhose on here!  What is so danged important?....didn't I tell you we are late!!!!

What are you doing?....What?  

You're what? 

We don't have time for the computer right now, hon....

Mommy's in a hurry, honey....

...because we got up late.

...because I overslept...

...because daddy and I were up late.

... because.... aaahhh.  Oh, what are you trying to do, anyway?

Press "enter"....no, honey the other "enter", the one by the letters...

It didn't work? What are you doing? 

Entering something?  Entering what? 

Pepsi caps?  (huh?)  

No, I can't help you, I've got to brush my hair, I'm late for work....

No, I can't take even a minute...

Ok...then, just press the NumLock key....

Right there, above the number 7...

No, honey!  Oh cripes!  Here, let me help you.

Dang, I'm late!

So you can win stuff when you get these all in, eh? 

How did you get so many? Are you drinking that much pop at school? 

Why do the other kids give you their caps? No computers, huh?  Works out good for you. How many do we have here, anyway? 

Twenty-seven! Oh, honey, I can't .....ok, here, let me do it - I can type faster than you. 

What is wrong with this web site....jeez, only when I'm in a hurry.....arrrgggghh!!!

No, honey, I just have to reenter them, it didn't take them the first time. 

Oh, man, I am so late....gah! What is this crap all over my hands...yeck...sticky pop.

So honey, I got the last one in, what is it we are ordering here, anyway? A cd or something?

Marilyn who? Oh, never heard of her....him? Wait a minute - just who the h*** is this Marilyn Manson woman?... 

He's a what?...Show me his cd...what is THAT!!!

But he's wearing makeup and garters!!

... A born again ....what?.... I don't think so...no, you are not allowed to listen to this crap...

When did dad say ok?... I don't think so... Did you show him the cd?....I didn't think so. 

And what's up with all the makeup and garter belts?!....arrrggghhhh! We already ordered it!!!???  

Listen! - stupid CD goes into the stupid trash as soon as it arrives! I don't care..... 

No, I didn't know before I typed in the form.... I doesn't matter...

No, it doesn't....  No.  It.  Doesn't.

No!

It!

Doesn't!

Kids! - get to the car while I change for work.... 

No. 

Get in the car, please..... leave your sister alone, please.

Get in the car, now please.....

Get

in

the

car...... NOW!

Threw on first thing from closet and drove the kids to school, missed the traffic and weather reports again (yelling too loud). 

Son called sister a name. 

Sister punched brother.... In the head.

Doesn't matter who started it first....

No, it doesn't...No, it doesn't....

No.

It.

doesn't!

Dropped the kids at school and remembered I was supposed to be at training five miles north of normal worksite. Construction on freeway, running later, now. Really, really later.

The sun came out. Clothes thrown on from closet appear to be long sleeved turtleneck sweater. Combined with my 100 pounds of "natural insulation", begins to have an ominous effect. Began to sweat at 8:00 a.m., lost my "freshness" at 8:03 a.m., arrived at class in full sweat... sat through morning class with arms pressed firmly against sides.

Class broke for lunch, belatedly remembered work potluck...ran to Safeway for soda to contribute to potluck. Arrived late, only seat left next to boss' boss' Boss.... The big boss...I am really not fresh.

Took just a bit of lunch, returned to chair by the big boss, leaned over to set soda on floor...dipped right boob in chicken oriental salad. Surreptitiously wiped boob with napkin as the big boss stared at me like as if I were some sort of alien.... Really, not fresh. Hopped up to dump the remainder of lunch, when returned to chair, sat down too hard and tore slacks along inner thigh...Fat leg hanging right out of my pants ... the big boss doesn't realize...thinks the noise was something else not fresh...(really).

Co-worker loaned me 1 inch of thread and 5 inches of sewing needle (yeow). Went to ladies room, spent 10 minutes sitting on toilet try to sew pants ...ignored the banging on the door. Thread ran out, leaned out bathroom door to plead for clerk to loan me the shipping tape. Taped the inside thigh closed. Only scratches a little bit...only when I move....I sound like a package of Styrofoam peanuts. Returned to training...fellow next to me scoots his chair closer to the wall....folks avoid me at the afternoon break.

Training ends at 4:00, temperature has risen to an unbearable 80 degrees. Hair limp, clothes damp, chicken salad on my boob... Fully pitted out...can barely stand my own self...

Suddenly remember I'm scheduled to teach a college class this evening.... no time to go home for dinner....found a box of Tic Tacs in "earthquake preparedness" stash in the glove box.

Stopped by college to run off copies of handouts. College policy requires handouts printed a week in advance...no exceptions.... no emergencies.... no handouts....tummy growling....Tic Tacs left in car...breath also not so fresh.

Arrived in classroom...door locked...47 computers in the middle of reformat and upgrade...

But I was scheduled in this room!

...What do you mean you didn't know? 

....I did schedule it!

...Yes, I did schedule it ...Yes, I did...

Yes.

I.

Did!

...FINE!!

...just show me another room.

Set up in temporary room, checked the network for templates and pretyped documents, class folder moved...class folder missing......class folder is gone! 

...You reformatted the server? 

...Who notified me?

..... What email!? 

...I don't have a college email address...

No I don't....

Maybe everyone else does, but I don't 

No I don't ...

No.

I.

Don't! 

Wait a minute...do you know my kids? Are they giving classes in tactical maneuvers to use with adults? 

No? Are you sure?

Dragged myself home, arms sore from being pressed to my sides for 17 hours... kissed hubby goodnight, kissed kiddos goodnight....crawled into bed.

Hubby leans over and whispers in my ear.....

What?....I don't know.

Go Here, it can only get better!